Theres been a lot of talk about civility lately. This was all triggered when the owner of a restaurant outside Washington, D.C. politely declined to serve a prominent member of the Trump administration a woman who is known worldwide for lying on the behalf of a white supremacist White House headed by a man who is trying to, and succeeding in, turning America into a dictatorship.

So, if Sarah Huckabee Sanders being refused service at the Red Hen in Virginia has you more worried about Sanders getting her feelings hurt than about the fact that the government Sanders works for is putting babies in cages, then you dont deserve civility. In other words, f*ck you.

Now, I know that some people will read my f*ck you as sinking to their level, but f*ck that. Americans have normalized this descent into fascism from day one, and Im not having it.

And when I say Americans, Im talking about white people, primarily cisgender heterosexual men. And, wouldnt you know it, this particular demographic happens to also be the one that is either: 1) totes OK with Trump or, 2) telling the rest of us that we need to fight fascism with civility.

That is not how it works, folks. Being nice doesnt save lives. It doesnt change hearts and minds. And it sure as hell isnt going to save our democracy.

According to an interview with the owner in the Washington Post, some of the employees at the Red Hen were gay. Ive heard the argument that throwing Sanders out of a restaurant was a missed opportunity for gays to show Sanders and the world, I guess how they are capable and people worthy of respect.

Um, no. It is not the job of the oppressed to prove their humanity to the oppressors.

Racists arent racist just because they havent encountered enough nice black and brown people. Homophobes dont hate gays just because they havent had the right one wait on them in a restaurant. Misogynists dont hate women just because they havent met the right one yet.

This stuff comes from deeply rooted hate and fear. Aint no amount of nice gonna cure that.

Ive heard white people saying that Sarah Huckabee Sanders and her father Mike Huckabee used to be good, Christian people with values and ask, Whatever happened to them?

Not surprisingly, the people who Ive heard say this are straight, white guys. Of course, they can look back on Mike Huckabees long career in the public eye and see a nice guy who plays bass guitar and tells corny jokes but who is maybe a little too conservative for their tastes.

As a woman married to a woman, I have no fond memories of Mike Huckabee. His entire career, he has sought to deny me the right to be married and the right to make the most basic decisions about my reproductive health. Now hes posting openly racist stuff on Twitter in defense of Trumps take-your-baby-at-the-border policy and people are surprised? Its all part of the same package, folks.

So, yeah, I dont owe him or his daughter any kindness. They have shown none to the most vulnerable populations in this country. They have used their power to perpetuate hate.

So yeah, f*ck them.

Of course, incivility is not the answer. We cant go-f*ck-yourselves out of this mess. Yes, we must keep speaking out against the hate and evil we are seeing. We must never stop that. But words only go so far.

Two of the most powerful words are I voted. The people leading our country are evil. They have no moral compass. And, yes, there are valid complaints to make about the Democratic Party. But they are not the party cool with snatching brown babies from asylum seekers and putting them in cages.

Lets make this blue wave happen. And then hold the Democrats f*cking accountable like our lives depend on it, because they do.