By Mikey Rox
There’s no better time of year to be unabashedly, unequivocally, unflinchingly gay than Halloween, and this year pop culture provided us a veritable smorgasbord of costume ideas.
Sure, you can head to your local costume shop and pick up a played-out, plastic-wrapped outfit, but we know you better than that. That’s why we’ve compiled this comprehensive list of the most topical, haute, and hilarious gay-friendly Halloween costumes of 2015. From Satan herself Kim Davis to tight-in-his-Tommys Rafael Nadal to America’s new favorite pastime, Netflix and Chill, this year’s hottest headlines, memes, and entertainment personalities are now the must-wear, one-night disguises of the season.
Yes, boys, Halloween is here, and it’s totally queer. Time to get in the spirit.
Renegade Kentucky Clerk
Skip the fire-red cape and pointed horns if you fancy playing Satan; this year the devil was in disguise, and she looks like Kim Davis. The renegade Kentucky clerk – who dominated the late-summer headlines by refusing to issue same-sex marriages despite a federal order to the contrary – found herself in hot water (and the slammer) for scare tactics that ultimately made her a household name. Honor her place in despicable history, then, with your own interpretation of the misaligned movement-martyr. A frumpy Puritan-style floor-length dress and a wig that hasn’t seen a hot comb since Paul Lynde was the center square will establish the look, then add hellish embellishments, like goat hooves, black wings, and a face only the Prince of Darkness could love.
Your Favorite Hookup App
Snapping photos at weddings and bar mitzvahs with Instagram frame props is kind of a thing now – for better or worse – and you can riff on that idea to create your own Grindr, Scruff, or Jack’d profile costumes this Halloween. Start with a large piece of poster board from your local craft store then digitally design the cut-and-paste components from your preferred profile to bring it to life. Slice out a large rectangular area in the center for you to enter, and voilà – guaranteed to get more play than an at-home Saturday.
Whether the confused, boogie-down Left Shark during Katy Perry’s mixed-reviewed Super Bowl XLIX performance was planned or not, once thing is certain: the bumbling blue fish was the real winner that night, and it sent gay Twitter into a tizzy. Longtime Perry backup dancer Bryan Gaw was the man behind the mask, but you don’t have to track him down to get your hands on it. Costume retailer TV Store Online has the officially licensed version on lock so you, too, can steal the spotlight.
When Bruce Jenner announced that he was transitioning into a life as his female self, Caitlyn, you knew a parody costume wasn’t far behind. Spirit Halloween got first dibs on that front – and heck of a lot of backlash for its insensitive capitalization and apparent mockery of the touchy subject. But the joke was on us, because Caitlyn signed off on the affronting flattery, and as a result, every Halloween party you attend this season will be as tasteless as she is. Because once a Kardashian, always a Kardashian.
The abrupt shutdown of Rentboy.com – on the heels of the widely publicized hacking scandal that destroyed cheating site AshleyMadison.com – sent shockwaves through the undercover male prostitute community, and we should all take a moment to mourn its death. When you’ve pulled yourself together, dress up as your favorite wh-re-to-poor escort in a business suit/BDSM getup that looks like it’s been dumpster diving for the past few days. Top if off with a sign that reads ‘Will Work for BJs.’
Pro Tennis Player Moonlighting as Underwear Model
Sure, we all knew tennis pro Rafael Nadal had it goin’ on; you can’t grunt and sweat and toss balls back and forth for the past decade and not expect dudes-on-dudes to notice. But it wasn’t until Tommy Hilfiger smartly put the nine-time French Open winner in a pair of the brand’s skivvies that we discovered just how much is goin’ on – and it’s aces in our book. Replicate Nadal’s barely-there outfit with a pair of Hilfiger’s square-cut boxer briefs, a racket, and a towel around your neck to catch all the heat that’ll be coming your way.
Netflix & Chill
If you’re still thinking literal about ‘Netflix and chill,’ there’s not much hope for you this Halloween. Those who are in on the joke, however – and if you’re 20- to 40-something with a healthy libido, you probably are – there are myriad ways to step out as this of-the-moment meme that’s got everybody on their knees. You’ll find plenty of themed accessories online, or you can create your own costume with a plain red T-shirt, iron-on letters and, because duh, the unofficial official Netflix and Chill condoms.
Way Gay-Friendly Pop Hunk
Much has been said about pop star Nick Jonas’s love affair with the LGBT community this year – the most boisterous of which is that he’s pandering for fans – but as any homo knows, when you’ve got bulging biceps and pecs in your corner, who’s to complain? This year, there’s a treasure trove of Jonas-inspired costume ideas from which to choose, like ‘Scream Queens’ Nick, ‘Kingdom’ Nick, Red Carpet Nick, Music Video Nick, and more. For the former’s frat-tastic golf-bro look in particular, you’ll need to get über-preppy with it, and Brooks Brothers can help you keep it on fleek. Embroidered chinos, a printed polo, and a pastel belt master that on-campus style, while a golf glove and single club give the look links cred. Bonus points for that gnarly faux throat-slit to which his character befell before rising from the not-really-dead, to add a bloody splash of cringe factor. Can’t be wholesome AF all the time – unless you’re Kevin, of course.
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world, including CNN.com, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, Instinct magazine, and Out.com, among many others. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.