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Hey Woody!

You’ve gotten a lot of flak from people about your position on monogamy. Reading you week to week, it’s actually kinda hard to pin you down. Sometimes you defend it, sometimes you attack it. Are you waffling on us?

— Unsure myself

Dear Unsure:

Monogamy is either a necessary ingredient for couples to stay together or a new Milton Bradley board game.

Like the rest of you I can never make up my mind.

I’ve defended and attacked monogamy because it needs defending and attacking.

On the one hand, monogamy is a wonderful way for couples to experience the high of exclusivity. And it can be quite a high. Emphasis on “can.”

The other thing arguing for monogamy is the nature of all worthwhile things. Namely, that they require sacrifice. To have a great body you have to sacrifice fries and chocolate shakes; to have a great income you have to sacrifice hanging out at the beach on weekdays; to own a great p-rno collection you have to sacrifice the cheaper sites.

To have a great marriage do you have to sacrifice sex with others?

I pose it as a question because the answer is different for different people.

Personally, I don’t believe that sexual fidelity is the primary measure of a man’s love for another man. Mostly because sex isn’t the highest expression of love. Celibate priests know that. So do the handicapped and people with medical conditions that prevent them from having sex.

It’s not that I think there’s something wrong with monogamy, it’s that I don’t think it’s the only route to experiencing true, genuine love and commitment for another man.

I believe the highest form of commitment isn’t sexual, it’s emotional. I’d much rather be in an open relationship with a partner who would stand in front of a bullet to protect me than in a monogamous relationship with a partner who’d sit in front of the TV and ignore me.

Hey Woody!

I’m negative and I sleep with guys who are positive all the time. I don’t give a s–t about somebody’s sero-status, if I’m hungry for their body I’m going to chow down. What I want to know is if there are times when poz guys are more contagious than others. I’m safe about our sex so spare me the lectures.

— Positively charged

Dear Charged:

First, I don’t lecture. I pistol-whip. Ask my ex-boyfriends. They can tell you the difference.

Your positive partners are more contagious when they:

  1. First get infected. Most will experience a flu-like illness with chills, body aches, etc.
  2. Catch an unrelated illness. Like a cold or strep throat. The immune system can weaken and cause viral loads to rise.
  3. Take medications that fail. Or if they don’t take any medications.