“This is such a loss for the world. But, more importantly, what a huge loss for QVC.” – Jimmy Fallon pays tribute to Joan Rivers, who he brought back to “The Tonight Show” on his first night taking over the venerable talk show.
I may be out of the country, but my nationalistic pride rode awfully high while I watched the Miss America Pageant. This year’s competition featured two of my favorite things – implants and puppets! Clearly Miss Ohio’s ventriloquist rendition of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” was the highlight, but Miss Texas made sure she got her money’s worth out of her own puppets (I’m assuming they’re implants, but only her doctor or a silicone specialist knows for sure). All in all, I loved every second of it.
The big television event last week was Barbra Streisand’s return to late night. It’s been more than 50 years since Babs had deigned to appear on “The Tonight Show” (her last visit was in March of 1963). Why she’s stayed away is a mystery, but here’s a fun fact: Carson begged her to be on his penultimate show, the slot ultimately filled by Bette Midler. Maybe Babs finally returned because she knew Jimmy Fallon would gush. Or maybe she just really wanted to sell CDs. Or maybe it was because it was arranged in advance that she’d be filmed from her good side (as if). Yes, the whole business of Jimmy letting her sit in his chair fulfilled an edict from Babs – she had to sit on his left. So the choices were for her to take his chair or for the set to be flipped around (which is what Rosie O’Donnell did). Fallon was happy to oblige, and even made it look kinda spontaneous.
During her first week on the job, Julianne Hough wasted no time in creating a scandal on “Dancing with the Stars”. The new girl at the judges’ table was chatting with “Dancing” alum Mario Lopez on “Extra”. It all went well until she started talking about contestant Jonathan Bennett. “He Tweeted me last year and said, like, I had a nice butt. But he also tagged my trainer. And so I was like, ‘Oh, he’s hitting on me. I should try to go on a date with him.'” Mario asked how that turned out. Without batting an eye, Julianne says, “He’s gay. So I was like, that’s not gonna work.” This struck me as amusing for two reasons. First, this may be news to Mario, but my faithful fans have known Bennett was gay since I reported his relationship with the now openly gay Matt Dallas way back in 2009. Secondly, since when has someone being gay stopped Hough from dating them?
Last week, Nick Jonas was all over New York promoting his new single (“Jealous”) and a new television series (DirecTV’s “Kingdom”). Because he’s as smart as he is pretty, his first stop was the gay nightclub BPM. He told MTV News, “It’s been a fun couple days partying with some of my gay fans. I love them to death and their support of me, so why not go out and hang?” And hang he did – including posing with underwear-clad strippers. He even showed off his own abs – anything to sell a CD! When asked about his gay fans, he said, “I’m thrilled by that. I’ve always had a pretty strong gay fan base, having been a theater kid. That’s a community that I love and have embraced, and they’ve embraced me. I love them. They’re so supportive.” They’ll be even more supportive when they see his show. Jonas told Andy Cohen that “Kingdom” will contain lots of nudity, sex scenes, and perhaps more. Andy asked if this meant that Nick’s mixed martial arts fighter character was “bi-curious”. With a mischievous grin, Jonas answered, “We’ll see.”
Nick then paid a visit to Ryan Seacrest’s radio program, which was being broadcast in NYC to coincide with promoting the new clothing line, Ryan Seacrest Distinction. Jonas was given one of the collection’s new shirts and, being a clever cad, Ryan asked Nick to try it on. Nick promptly doffed his top – yeah, like that wasn’t the point all along. Seacrest later posted, “It took some convincing, but he finally gave in (and we’re glad he did!).” I bet!
A contestant on a Chilean reality show kinda outed singer Luis Miguel. The show is called “Trepadores”, which loosely translates as “social climbers”. A male singer competing claims that he made out with Ricky Martin as a teenager. Plausible. He then shared a second-hand story: “One of my friends who is very cute was taken to Luis Miguel’s yacht to be introduced to him. Yes, Luis Miguel is bi.” This one loses a bit of punch in translation.
My “Ask Billy” box was flooded with many of you asking the same question. The first query came from Patrick in Florida: “Once and for all – Jared Leto? Does he really have a big d–k? Or is it just a lot of hype??”
Since Jared Leto is hot – both as a subject and as an object – this comes up occasionally. The fires were stoked, so to speak, when transgender personality Alexis Arquette recently gave an interview to drag comedian Jackie Beat: “I had sex with Jared Leto back when I was presenting as a man. And, yes, it’s not only massive; it’s like a Praetorian Guard’s helmet”. Tabling the issue that sounds like it could hurt and tickle at the same time, what are we left with? The boasting of a sexual encounter by someone who is less than credible – at least in my opinion. The situation exploded a few days later. Footage from a 30 Second to Mars concert showed Jared grabbing what appeared to be a ponderous package in his penile region. Check out BillyMasters.com and decide for yourself.
When Nick Jonas is trading in his promise ring for a c-ck ring (anything for his gay fans), it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I must confess that I’m slightly concerned about being in Eastern Europe. What a time for me to forget to pack my Isis costume – if I end up next to a guy with a sickle, I wanna go out in style! Whatever happens to me, www.BillyMasters.com will go on. And as long as I have breath in my body, I’m here to answer your questions. Send them along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Julianne Hough outs anyone else from her past. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.