Hey Woody,

I must disagree with your advice about guys who can’t ejaculate when they’re with other guys. It’s not fear of intimacy, a bad upbringing or an inability to relax and let go, as you say. It’s because they jerk off too much. In my years of sleeping with men (and I’ve slept with a lot!), I have actually asked guys who were unable to ejaculate while having anal or oral sex if they jerk off a lot and almost all said they did, sometimes daily.

Hey Woody,

I must disagree with your advice about guys who can’t ejaculate when they’re with other guys. It’s not fear of intimacy, a bad upbringing or an inability to relax and let go, as you say. It’s because they jerk off too much. In my years of sleeping with men (and I’ve slept with a lot!), I have actually asked guys who were unable to ejaculate while having anal or oral sex if they jerk off a lot and almost all said they did, sometimes daily.

In my experience once you jerk off too much you are ruined by your own grip and no Butt or Mouth is going to do the job. Just thought you might like to know.

– Been There, Done Him

Dear Been There,

Gee, thanks for educating me with your ignorance. Your contention that masturbation makes guys unable to ejaculate with their partner ranks right up there with the church’s suggestion that masturbation causes blindness, which everyone knows is true but only if you get it in your eyes.

At any rate, “ejaculatory incompetence” is caused by lots of psychological factors: Trauma and shame (your mama walking in on you while you were erupting), bad experiences (being ridiculed by a partner), unresolved anger (giving him the pleasure of an erection, but denying him the ejaculation) and simple social anxiety, much like guys who are pee-shy.

On the “I can ejaculate with a partner, but only if I’m doing myself” subject, masturbation does come into play, but not in the way you say it does. Often, men “groove” themselves with masturbation patterns that condition their sexual response. Translation: They can ejaculate in the presence of their partner, but only if they masturbate in their established pattern.

As for trying to ‘educate’ me, do me a favor: Learn the difference between facts and anecdotes. They’re like farts and diarrhea. One puts out air; the other spews out sh*t.

Hey Woody,

This is more of a comment than a question. My new boyfriend doesn’t have nearly as good a body as my old boyfriend, but he’s SO confident in his body that he actually turns me on more! Who knew that confidence could literally change the way you perceive someone’s body?

– Glowing and Growing

Dear Glowing,

‘Body Confidence’ produces a cascade of heat-raising turn-ons. It challenges all the senses, making sex fire on all cylinders. Your boyfriend’s confidence improves his posture, making him stand straighter with shoulders back, and chest pushed forward, giving you a ‘boon with a view.’ Body confident guys are also more likely to spring a few surprises, heightening anticipation and completely changing the way you perceive their bodies. The search for aphrodisiacs is over. Bury the herbs and grow the confidence!

Hey Woody,

I’m 19 and just started cruising online. Is it safe? Are my gay-bashing worries unreasonable?

– Horny, but worried

Dear Horny,

The most dangerous thing about meeting guys online is the shock you’ll get when you see how much cameras lie. Other than that, there’s not much to worry about if you follow a few precautions:

  • Meet him in a public place. It’s pretty hard for anything bad to happen when there are people around.
  • Meet him during the day. Everything’s safer during the day than at night.
  • Meet him for coffee. Forget lunch or dinner. You can make a quicker getaway if he’s got a face that’d scare the paint off a wall.

 

Having A Hard Time Finding A Date Online? Download woody’s new ebook, Attract Hotter Guys ONLINE, available at http://www.adviceongaydatingsites.com/menseekingmen

Sweating Too Much

Hey Woody,

I read your answer to “smelly” (how to tell your new boyfriend his crotch smells like a grease-encrusted vomit bucket). Loved your answer but wanted to add a different dimension to the problem. I’m one of those guys who smell down there because I sweat so much. It’s very embarrassing. It doesn’t take much to soak my shirt. I could be in a mildly warm bar and sweat like I’m a whore in church. Any advice for people like me?

– Spikot

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