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“Hire a stunt person to fall on someone every three or four weeks – that’ll keep the audiences showing up!” – Joan Rivers gives director Julie Taymor an idea of how to keep the musical “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” from becoming the most expensive flop in Broadway history. Listen to Auntie Joan – she knows a thing or two about flops!

hollywood-roberts-pettyfer-pelofsky-1“Hire a stunt person to fall on someone every three or four weeks – that’ll keep the audiences showing up!” – Joan Rivers gives director Julie Taymor an idea of how to keep the musical “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” from becoming the most expensive flop in Broadway history. Listen to Auntie Joan – she knows a thing or two about flops!

Gay people love Cher. Last week, the Dark Lady wrapped up her Caesars Palace run to focus on completing her new CD and plan her upcoming national tour. So it was no surprise that the faithful trekked to Las Vegas to pay homage to their queen – and among the throngs and multitudes was Kathy Griffin. Prior to leaving LA, she tweeted a photo of herself decked in an eerily Cher-esque ensemble (circa “Turn Back Time”), with a caption (in Tweet-speak) that read: “Off 2 Vegas 2 c closing nit 4 the FAB @Cher. Have 2 return her outfit she doesn’t exactly no I borrowed ;)” Truth be told, Kath looked pretty good in that drag. At the concert, she ran into one of the divas of drag – the delightful and virtually legendary Randy Roberts. Those two Cher nuts posed for the paps and then made their way backstage to share libations with the Half Breed.

As much as I love Kathy, Randy and Cher, I couldn’t join them in Vegas because I love Mark Sendroff more. These columns have oft chronicled the wizardry capable of this lawyer to the stars. There is nothing he can’t do – both professionally and personally. And that was highly evident when those he loves most came from near and far to gather in Beverly Hills for a sumptuous feast. Yes, it’s true that the average age was somewhere between 60 and death, and that’s just how I like it – I’ll go anywhere if it means I’ll be considered a “twink” (next stop, Zsa Zsa’s house). I was at the “kiddie table” with Bruce Vilanch, Sam Harris, Michael Orland, Nancy Dussault and her hubby Val. The next table had Karen Morrow, Julia Murney, Jason Graae, Mimi Hines, Jimmy James, Armelia McQueen, David Engel and Ken Page. Off in little nooks around the room one could spy Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme, and Bob Mackie and his adorable assistant Joe who were on diva duty tending to Marilyn Maye. Towards the end of the night, Carole Cook and Tom Troupe wandered in – they were in the neighborhood and I think responded to the whiff of formaldehyde in the air! It was as if someone mounted a musical version of “Cocoon” – which I suppose makes me Steve Guttenberg. Check out BillyMasters.com for some exclusive photos – and the historic return of Steve and Eydie…singing!

If there’s one thing I love, it’s a hot man. The only thing better than one hot man is a gaggle of ’em. And where will you find more hotties per capita than anywhere else in the world? At Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party. This annual soirĂ©e (which was featured during my guest starring stint on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta”) will return to Palm Springs on April 8-11. And once again, I will be greeting the hot and sweaty masses on the white carpet – this year joined by the hilarious Shawn Pelofsky (if you’ve been on an Atlantis cruise, you’ve seen her). In addition to the constantly evolving line-up of performers, I’m thrilled to announce that my buddy Charo will be a special guest – those of you who saw us together at LA Pride know it will be outrageous. Keep up with the latest news on my site or at www.JeffreySanker.com.

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Zane in Toronto:

“What do you know about that hot blond guy in the trailers for ‘I Am Number Four’? I have no clue who he is, but he’s gorgeous!!!!”

That would be British actor and model Alex Pettyfer, who appears to have sprung up out of nowhere (aside from some ads for Ralph Lauren and The Gap). I do immediately have to identify him as heterosexual, although he is not interested in discussing his relationship with co-star Dianna Agron (from “Glee”) other than to say they are not engaged. Despite some rumors to the contrary, I’m told that Alex is very down to earth and humble. In fact, he had to be forced to audition for “I Am Number Four”. He simply felt that there was no way he could carry a big sci-fi thriller. He actually walked out of the audition, saying, “I’m sorry. I’m not right for this. I can’t. I don’t want to muck up your movie.” After passing on dozens of other actors, the casting people called Alex back in two weeks later. At that point, he thought he had nothing to lose. He screen-tested, Spielberg liked what he saw, and the rest is history.

Speaking of history, let’s talk about a movie in his past. There’s a little British slasher flick I’m sure none of you saw called “Tormented”. One reason to watch it is because you get to see all of Alex during a very steamy, hot, almost animalistic sex scene with some girl in the backseat of a car. Aside from showing Pettyfer’s anatomy from a variety of angles, it actually contains a message – the girl stops Alex at the moment of entry by producing a condom from inside her bra! See? It’s a safe sex film. You can watch the entire scene on BillyMasters.com.

When slasher films can be educational, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Personally, I’ve often enjoyed having sex in the car – usually in the front seat. There was a time I couldn’t have an orgasm unless there was a steering wheel between my legs – but that’s another story, and we simply don’t have space for yet another anecdote. In fact, we cut so much gossip for print, you best check out www.BillyMasters.com to see what you’re missing. If you’ve got a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I take to carrying a condom in my jock strap (well, they all end up in there sooner or later). Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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Billy Masters
Billy Masters was the first to syndicate a column solely to LGBT publications. He's been writing his popular entertainment news/gossip column for over two decades. In addition to writing, Billy is an actor and comedian who can regularly be found on TV, radio, and touring the country. Check out his website: www.BillyMasters.com.

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